We've all experienced it! I remember when I had my first run in with the clasp. The grip was so tight and just a bit painful but it was the look awaiting me when I looked up into his face that would break my heart and have me break out into tears. That look, blank, drunk with anger and irritation would make me freeze like a deer in head lights. The only love I knew I saw in those same exact eyes but at that moment I glared into those eyes with fear and regret; a fear of the future and a great regret for the recent past.
In Sharon Olds poem, The Clasp, she speaks of that moment where a parent asserts themself and the child learns a new side of the parent. I can remember this moment filled with disappointed as you try to figure out where this other personality has come from. As that lashing whip of discipline comes down the child wonders where is my caretaker, housekeeper, the source of all I know and for a small second the world no longer makes sense. As a child I understood love, I could recognize love but I didn't see the link between love and discipline therefore I, like many children experienced a great deal of confusion. It's interesting how that entire concept works when you are four, five, nine, or even twelve years of age. Olds hit the nail right on the head with that poem.
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